Hettie Brittz joins me for today’s episode. She has been married to her husband for 25 years and they have three kids (2 teenagers and one in college). She is also a speaker, author, and a foremost voice in parenting advice and personality styles. She is from South Africa but is currently residing in the United States. She has created a course to help people understand how they are wired and codeveloped the Tall Trees Profile which helps parents understand their child’s temperament.
I have to say that this was one of my favorite conversations. There is something vulnerable about it. I have a great desire to understand myself better and to understand my children better. We have a conversation about how understanding how you are wired will help you parent better; how working with traumatized kids helped her see how understanding temperaments was the key to helping unlock the heart and she unpacked the different temperament types. She said, “When you understand what our kids need, we get the motivation to parent.” What we talked about gave me so much hope. I felt understood. And I started to understand my girls better. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did.
- Hettie's books: (Un) Natural Mom and Growing Kids with Character
- Strength Finder book
- Tall Trees Profile and Tall Trees Profile Assessment for Kids
Stopping once a day to look around and celebrate what you have instead of focusing on what is left to do
Takeaways From Our Conversation:
What is the difference between temperament and personality? Personality is what we show to the world. Its like what grows above the ground and how they express their design in the world. Temperament is like how the root system nourishes what grows above the ground. Its your God given soul DNA. It doesn’t change. Its a clue to where that path is leading.
Tall Tree Profile Types:
Pine Tree - introvert, takes stress away, bring peace, stubborn in a quiet way, thinkers more than doers or talkers, like being spectators rather than participants, they don’t want to be alone, but don’t want to be on center stage
Palm Tree - extroverts, people, fun to be had, living life full, bright side, resilient, optimism, also in discipline too, not easy to bend and shape
Rose Bush - extroverts, don’t want to be cuddled, grown up before one, tantrums first, strong willed, don’t need a mom, thorns, pride, competitive, achieve
I asked if there were certain types there were more difficult to work together. She said, “That depends—do you want to grow or have it easy. When temperaments clash there are opportunities to grow.” Mic Drop. That has been shifting the way I see conflict in our house.
- Do you ever feel like motherhood is not in your strengths?
- Hettie talked about how having no control in parenting was the most difficult thing. What has been the hardest thing about motherhood for you?
- Knowing what causes burnout, what is one thing you could do this week to help with that?
- What is one area of emotional intelligence that you could flex in your own life?
- If you have taken a personality or temperament profile, what were your results? How have you seen these take shape in how you parent?
- What does burn out look like for you in motherhood?
- How can you give your child what they perceive as love?
- How do you handle conflict?
- What is something that really stood out to you about this episode?
- If you have taken the tall trees profile, what were the results? What surprised you?
- What is one thing you can do to help love your child based on their profile?
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